Genderbent Love
by Erich Zann III
Summary: Luke and Sam have been in a very intense relationship for a while. They're not dating and they were sure that it was just a casual affair until Luke realized that it wasn't casual for him. But how will Sam react? Does he feel the same way? Genderbent Royal Woods LukexSam
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Luke… You've been really quiet all evening… We've done this quite a few times. But you've never just straight up not said anything… What's wrong? Are you having second thoughts about this?" Sam asked. To him, it had only ever been sex. They were friends, but never anything more. He wasn't ashamed of what they were doing. It just never meant anything to him, at least he didn't think it did. So what Luke would say next shocked him.

"I… No, of course not. I-it was amazing like always."

"You're lying. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry if I did." Sam asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it, brah!" Luke snapped, shaking Sam's hand off his shoulder. Sam raised an eyebrow. He shrugged, pulling his shirt back on and heading to the door.

"'Kay. See ya tomorrow at school, bro." He said, being deliberately distant.

"No! Wait!" Luke called. Sam turned around.

"Yeah? What's wrong, Luke. You're never this distracted. These little rendezvous' are some of the only things you pay as much attention to as your music. What the hell is going on?"  
"I love you, Sam… I… I just haven't had the courage to tell you until now. I… Will you go out with me?" Luke asked, looking hopefully at Sam, who was stunned into silence for a moment.

If he had been expecting anything, it hadn't been that. He and Luke had both made their intentions very obvious from the beginning. They were best friends who had one night together and decided they liked it and wanted to keep going with it. It wasn't supposed to mean anything. They would still be friends, but they would never be boyfriends. It just wasn't like that. Luke had a girlfriend briefly, even while he and Sam were still doing what they were doing.

Neither of them held it against the other. Romance and love were one thing. Neither of those things were what he and Luke had together. It was a casual affair as Panic! At the Disco would say. And Sam had always been sure he wasn't gay. It was entirely casual. They even joked around with each other, wondering which one of them was the girl. What could be serious in a 'relationship' like that?

What exactly he would call himself, he didn't know. He tried not to get hung up on labels since he felt that cheapened things. His parents had always been very liberal… Practically socialists. Hippies in the 1960s and their liberal beliefs never changed. After a while, he realized he had been holding his breath and tears were filling his eyes.

He knew how much this was going to hurt Luke, and Luke was the last person he ever wanted to hurt. He did love Luke, but as a friend… Right? They were nothing more than friends.  
"Luke… I-I can't… And you can't either. I just don't feel that way about you…" So why was he crying when he said that? If what they were doing meant nothing, why did his heart feel like it was simultaneously leaping and being ripped from his chest?

"But…"  
"No… It… It was only ever supposed to be sex… Why… How could you fall for me? There was never anything between us… We're friends. That's _all_ we are! Best friends, sex friends, Bandmates We were _never_ boyfriends… It was never supposed to mean anything to us! It doesn't mean anything to me! Why does it mean something to you?" Sam demanded angrily, seeming like he was trying to justify himself now.

"Why are you crying, then?" Luke asked. Sam gasped. The one question he didn't want to have to answer.

"Because I never meant for this to happen! Damnit, Luke! I never wanted to hurt you! But I know that leading you on would only hurt you worse in the end! I-I'm leaving! Find your own damn way home!" Sam shouted angrily, storming out of the room, leaving Luke upset and confused.

If not love, what were his feelings for Sam? Sam was such a great guy. He and Luke had been best friends almost since they met in middle school. It wasn't until high school that their relationship became like this. They had an impulsive night together after a concert and decided they wanted to keep it going. They _had_ agreed that it was never supposed to mean anything. But then why did Luke's heart hurt so much now?

He would normally walk home. He just didn't have the energy though. He picked up his cell phone.

"Hey… Loki…" Luke muttered.

"Yeah… You literally better have a great reason for interrupting my conversation with Bebe!" Loki snapped. Luke sighed.

"I guess not. Never mind. S-sorry I bothered you." The young rocker whispered, his voice breaking with tears even as he apologized, feelings of inadequacy beginning to overwhelm him.

"No… W-what's wrong, Luke? You sound like you just got hit by a train."

"C-can you come pick me up? I guess I got lost and I'm kind of far from home to walk."

"Yeah… Sure. Where are you?"

"I'm standing outside the Shady Hills Hotel."

"Okay… I'll be there in about ten minutes." Loki said, hanging up. Luke nodded to himself and finished getting ready to go, putting all his stuff away and checking out, standing outside under the streetlight so that Loki would see him.

Finally, Loki showed up in Vanzilla after what felt like forever and Luke dragged himself over to the van, getting in and dumping his guitar and other stuff uncharacteristically roughly in the back.

"Alright, bro… What's wrong?" Loki asked. "You literally look like you were kicked out of your band or something. What's goin' on?" Luke's oldest brother asked.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Dumped by a girl?"

"No…"

"Tried asking her out and she said no?" Loki asked. Luke gasped, tears flooding his eyes. He felt sick. What had he done? Why would he ruin a good thing just because he couldn't control himself? Just because he had to be honest and tell Sam how he felt? He couldn't have just left well enough alone.

"Who were you here with? You didn't get lost. This isn't even close to on your way home." Loki said.

"I… Sam…"

"Your friend, Sam? I didn't know you were gay, Luke…"

"Is that a problem?" Luke asked angrily, not really in the mood to be mocked for who he loved.

"No, of course not. I just wonder why you never told us. We coulda helped you prepare to confess to Sam. I'm not your older brother for nothing, you know. I literally have done this a few times" Loki said, pulling over and hugging Luke.

"It'll be alright. Everyone gets rejected sometimes, even people as awesome as you."

"It's not that he rejected me, though. We've been sleeping together for over a year now! A-at first it was just convenient. We kinda went too far after a concert one night and we decided we didn't wanna stop… So… You know, it just kinda happened… We weren't dating or anything. Nobody was getting hurt.

"But what do you do when your partner is just there because it feels good and you keep coming because he means the world to you, because you love him and want to be with him for real? But I shoulda known that it still didn't mean anything to him. I should never've opened my big mouth. Now I've ruined my friendship with him. He probably hates me now! He probably thinks I'm gross! I made things weird between us now! God, I'm so STUPID!"

"Whoa… You're not stupid… You can't control who you fall in love with. What did he even say to you that's got you like this? I've met Sam. He's really cool. He doesn't seem like someone who would put you in such a state." Loki said. Luke sighed.

"He said we were only supposed to be friends, that it wasn't ever supposed to mean anything. He said it didn't mean anything to him… But then why was he crying?

"Why did it seem like he was trying to convince himself of something? Why was he so angry at me? Was it so wrong to fall in love with him? Do I really deserve to be yelled at and berated just because I have feelings for him?" Luke asked, finally not able to control himself anymore. He finally broke down, sobbing, taking deep, gasping breaths to try to steady himself but failing miserably.

"It's alright, Luke… Look, none of us are very good at being nurturing… That's obvious from how we treat Lincoln… But that doesn't mean we don't care about each other. You didn't do anything wrong. You fell in love with him and you told him how you felt.

"I literally don't know why he reacted like he did, but if he can't even be nice to you about it, then you can literally do better than Sam. If he can't see how awesome you are, he's an idiot." Loki said, driving home and helping Luke sneak into his room so that he wouldn't have to face his family.

"DAMNIT! Why would he suddenly drop that on me! What the hell is wrong with him! Why would he just suddenly make things weird like that! WE WERE JUST FRIENDS!"

 _Maybe you were never just a friend to him_

"That's impossible! He would've told me! We don't keep secrets from each other!" Sam snarled.

 _Maybe he was afraid you'd react just like you're reacting._

"Why would he think that? We've never been anything but supportive of each other! I never judged him!"

 _Until you confirmed his very worst fears ten minutes ago. Until you did judge him. Until you told him that he didn't mean anything to you._

"That's not what I said! I said that the sex we were having didn't mean anything!"

 _Maybe he doesn't draw a distinction between the two._

"That's his problem! I can't control his thoughts! I can't make him see that it was JUST SEX! It doesn't even make sense that he would think there was ever anything more!"

 _When does love ever make sense? Love isn't about logic. It's about how you feel for someone._

Suddenly, Sam slammed on his brakes, causing the cars behind him to blare their horns. He pulled over, tears flooding his pale blue eyes again.

"What have I done?" He gasped, a horrifying chill running down his spine at how he had treated Luke. He had singlehandedly destroyed the best friendship he had ever had.

 _You have to make this right. You have to go back and apologize to him. Try to understand him, rather than just denying him… Denying yourself._

"He'll never listen to me now! Not after how I treated him!"

 _That's not relevant. It's not about you. You have to try. You owe it to him. You don't have to return his feelings for you. But you do have to try to reconcile things._

 _Maybe things will never be the same between you again, but they at least don't have to be awkward._

"I know… Why am I talking to myself?"

"Hey! Get off the road!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I GET OUT OF THIS CAR AND SLIT YOUR GODDAMN THROAT!" Sam roared at the man driving past him.

He sighed, starting his car up again and driving the rest of the way home.

"Hello? Loud Residence." Loki said, answering the phone after the third ring.

"Hi… Loki? It's Sam…"

"Boy you literally have a lot of nerve calling after the way you treated Luke… He doesn't want to talk to you. Do you blame him?" Loki asked, trying to convey every ounce of his contempt for the blonde boy on the other end. Sam sighed.

"No… I can't blame him. Could you at least tell Luke how sorry I am? I overreacted and said the most hurtful things I could have… But…"

"I like, literally don't wanna hear it. If you call this house again, we'll have Lynn and Lexx .down there to pay you a visit. You got me?"

"Yeah…" Sam said, hanging up. He sighed, looking at a picture of himself and Luke. It was a picture of the first concert they had gone to together. They were all decked out in their grungiest clothing, doing peace signs and sticking their tongues out at the camera. Even as tears continued to stream from his eyes, he smiled wistfully. Why couldn't things just go back to the way they were before they had been ruined with a sexual relationship?

Why did he never recognize the signs that things were escalating too much? How could he not notice Luke falling in love with him? Now that he looked back on it, all the signs were there. Luke's kisses had become more passionate, his stares conveyed so much longing and desire. His touches were gentle and felt like he was trying to put all of his emotion and passion into them. How could Sam have missed all that?

 _Because you were deliberately ignoring them. You didn't want to see the truth. You enjoyed the relationship for what it was and you love him too. You're just afraid to put that label on it._

"NO! I'm not in love with Luke! He's just a friend!"

 _Then why were you so desperate in saying so to him? Who were you trying to convince? Luke or yourself?_ The little voice in his head asked.

"SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sam screamed, beating himself on the head just as his older sister walked in.

"Um… Sammy?" She asked. Sam gasped, his eyes wide, shaking manically, his back hunched, looking very much like a madman.

"I… Simone… How much did you hear?"

"You screamed at yourself that you weren't in love with Luke and then told yourself to shut up. Too bad. Luke is really cute. You two'd make a great couple. What's going on?" Simone asked, sitting down next to Sam. Sam sighed.

"I really messed up tonight. You know Luke and I've been hangin' out a lot lately."

"Yeah… At least three times a week."

"We've been… having sex… We… We went too far one night after a concert. We were joking around that night and we kissed each other on a dare from a friend. They said we were so close it was like we were dating and that we should just fuck and get it over with.

"Well… It ended up happening. And we enjoyed it, so we kept doing it… It was only ever supposed to be sex… Sort of an in-joke… Everyone said we must be dating we were so close. So he and I jokingly said we had a very intense relationship." Sam said, sighing with a strange smile, caught halfway between happy memories and sadness at what the memories would most likely become.

"But we definitely agreed that it was never supposed to mean anything. Sex doesn't have to mean anything, right?" Sam asked, seeming a little desperate, looking at her like he was begging her to agree with him, to assure him that it was Luke who had made a mistake, that Sam hadn't done anything wrong.

"Whoo, boy… You've gotten yourself in really deep." Simone said, shaking her head.

"No! It was just sex! We agreed right from the beginning that it didn't mean anything! It wasn't supposed to change what we were to each other!"

"And some people believe the world is flat. That doesn't make it true. Look, Sammy… Sometimes things end up going exactly how we plan them to. Sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar and sex really is just sex. No feelings get hurt and nobody falls in love. But other times, it goes way too far and someone gets hurt. I don't know what exactly you said to Luke, but clearly you've hurt him. It doesn't have to end there, though.

"You can fix this…"

"How! I… I screamed at him! I berated him! I yelled at him and told him that our relationship didn't mean anything to me! How am I supposed to fix that? How is it possible to fix that? I'm a terrible person! I love him and…" Sam gasped, his eyes widening. "I love him…" Sam whispered. "I… I love him." Sam repeated, tears flooding his eyes again as he confirmed it to himself again.

"I didn't say it would be easy to fix things. Sometimes people say things that they can't take back. That doesn't mean what they said has to define them. Luke is hurt. Give him some time. Maybe it will all blow over. If it doesn't… Well, just take things one step at a time. You'll know what to do when the time comes." Simone said. Sam looked at Simone, a tormented look in his eyes.

"But what if I don't? What if Luke never gets over it? What if I just destroyed our friendship! Luke is so amazing! I just… I couldn't see that… I couldn't accept what I had."

"Why not?" Simone asked. Sam sighed.

"Well… I guess I just convinced myself I wasn't gay. I never had much luck with girls, but I told myself that the right one just hadn't come along.

"I'm only sixteen, after all. What do I know about love? I just told myself that Luke's and my relationship was to feel good. He touched me just righ…"  
"Alright, too much information. Look, I'm fine with whoever you wanna bring home. But I don't need a play by play… Just give me the bullet points." Simone said.

"Right… Sorry. I just convinced myself that I wasn't in love with Luke and that we were friends who just happened to have sex sometimes."

"Guess what, Sammy? That means you're gay. If you're not attracted to girls and you are attracted to boys, you're gay."

"I know… I just… Didn't want to believe that because if I was gay then that meant that my sex with Luke was more than just friends messing around… And I didn't want anything to threaten our friendship. So I told myself every time we did it that it was nothing special. It felt good, he really knew what he was doing, but it wasn't love. I can't believe how stupid I was."

"You're not stupid, Sammy… You just convinced yourself that you would know if you were in love and because you had convinced yourself that you weren't, you missed the signs. You just needed to take a step back and look at the big picture. Now that you have, things are a little clearer, right?"

"Yes… But I still don't know how to fix them."

"I don't know either. That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself." Simone said, hugging Sam one last time and walking out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Um… L-Luke? I need to talk t…"

"Don't talk to me… P-please…" Luke muttered. The look in Luke's eyes was startling. He wouldn't even look Sam in the eye anymore and he had dark circles under them. His hair was messy and looked like he hadn't showered that day. In a family of 13, it was sometimes hard to find time, but Luke always managed.

The brown haired rocker turned his back on Sam, walking away. As he did, Rex laughed.

"Trouble in paradise, Romeo?" He asked. Suddenly, a savage look crossed Luke's face.

"Shut the fuck up!" Luke snarled, flipping him off.

"Wait! Please!" Sam shouted, taking Luke's shoulder. The brown haired rocker turned around.

"You wanna rip my heart in two again? Just looking at you makes me sick!" Luke hissed viciously. Sam gasped, tears flooding his eyes as well. Luke was crying, but he looked extremely angry as well. Maybe it had been too soon. Luke stormed off to the guidance office, cursing loudly as he walked in.

"Hello, Luke… Did you ever manage to confess to Sam?" His counselor asked as he collapsed in the seat he had sat in at least three times a week for the past month or so. For a moment, Luke couldn't say anything. He wasn't used to being this emotional. He was always passionate about music, but this kind of emotional reaction wasn't super common for him.

"It didn't go well?"

"He… It was only ever about sex for him. It's my f-fault you know? If I had just left well enough alone, he and I would still be friends. I wouldn't feel like my heart is getting ripped out just from looking at him. I wouldn't feel sick to my stomach every time he looks at me. I try to write music now, and nothing comes out. I try to play my guitar and nothing sounds right. All my music sucks. All the passion in my life is gone.

"Nothing matters anymore. I sat down last night and ate an entire quart of Neapolitan ice cream one spoonful at a time. I got in trouble this morning when our parents found it in the sink. It was supposed to be for Lexx's birthday party this weekend. I just needed something sweet though cuz my life felt so sour."

"I'm sorry that happened. Maybe if you talk about it, you'll feel a bit better." Rosie said with a gentle smile. Luke sighed.

"Well… We were together like we usually were on Wednesdays and he noticed how distracted I was. He's so perceptive. I… I couldn't hide my feelings anymore. Everything just poured out. He was silent for a minute, then he started yelling at me like I had hurt him personally. How could I do that to him? How could I fall in love with him? Why would this mean anything to me? It doesn't mean anything to him. It was just sex. That's all it ever was. That's all it was ever supposed to be.

"Why would I make things weird like this? Then he stormed out… I haven't even been able to talk to him since… He… He tried to talk to me today…"

"Did you say anything back to him?"

"I told him not to talk to me. I can't deal with it. I wouldn't have been so upset if he didn't feel the same way about me. I would've been hurt. But I woulda gotten on, yo!

"But why did he have to grind me into the dirt like that while he was turning me down?"

"Maybe you were ready to be honest about your feelings before he was. Maybe he's still just insecure about his sexuality and he was putting you down so he didn't have to face his own fears. What happened isn't your fault, Luke."

"Why do I feel so horrible, then? Why do I feel like I'm walking through mud everywhere I go? I have no energy, my life doesn't mean anything anymore! It was never this bad before. I had a crush on Sam, but I knew we were just friends… Then we started having sex and everything just spiraled out of control!"

"Well… Do you think that maybe you two should have thought a little more about what you were doing before you made such a big decision?"

"I KNOW I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT MORE ABOUT IT!" Luke screamed, drawing the attention of all the counselors in the office.

"Alright, calm down. Sam hurt you. But maybe you and he just need to talk about it, have a civilized conversation. I'm sure he's just as eager to make up with you."

"But how can I ever look him in the eye again? I'm hurting so badly, but I still love him! I just don't want to be hurt again1" Luke protested. "How can I even talk to him when every time I try, I feel like I'm gonna hurl! What if I never get to make up with him? I don't care if I never sleep with him again… I just want things to go back to the way they were before this mess started. Before I started having feelings for him. He's been my best friend since we were in 6th grade…

"But just now, I told him he made me sick… How could love turn to hatred so quickly? How could our relationship have been ruined with just three words?"

"That's not something I can tell you. I can't tell you how to fix your relationship with Sam. But I can tell that you don't hate him. You were hurt by him and you're having trouble facing him now. Am I right?"

The school counselor was young, barely out of college, but she knew what she was talking about and Luke always felt comfortable confiding in her. It was like talking to a friend rather than a therapist.

"I… I know I don't hate him… I wish I could though so I wouldn't have to feel this pain!" Luke sobbed.

"Listen… Hating someone is often easier than trying to figure out how you can repair things with them. But it's not going to make you feel any better.

"Do you really think that demonizing Sam, turning him into the monster in your story will make your pain go away?"

"Yes… No… I-I don't know! But it couldn't possibly make my pain any worse!"

"Alright… Stop shouting, we're the only ones in here. You don't need to shout to be heard. I know you don't know.

"I want you to go home tonight and try to decide what you really want. Sometimes having a clear image of what you want helps things go easier. You and he are probably both confused about your feelings and about what you want. Things will never get better like this. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling for him. But you'll never get anywhere if you continue in this storm of turbulent emotions."

Luke smiled weakly, nodding and thanking the counselor. Just as he walked out of the office, Sam walked in, just as distraught.

"Mr. Sharp… Good to see you again. What can I do for you?" The counselor asked. Making no indication that she had just been talking to Luke.

"Yeah, Rosie… I uh… I really messed up bad…" Sam muttered, rubbing his arm anxiously.

"I can see you're pretty upset. Why don't you take a few deep breaths first…? Calm yourself down before you hyperventilate." Rosie said with a gentle smile. Sam nodded, breathing in and out, finally looking a bit calmer.

"I… You know about my relationship with Luke… He… He confessed to me the other night… If it had been anyone else, I would've been flattered…"

"But you didn't feel that way with Luke?" Rosie asked.

"I did. He and I were super close… But… I dunno… Sex just seemed like the next logical step for our friendship. We were so close and we were secure enough in what we meant to each other that it never made either of us uncomfortable… How could I not notice when he started to fall in love with me? Why didn't I pay attention? How could I let things get so far?" Sam muttered, his shoulders trembling.

"Sometimes people don't notice. It's nobody's fault. Do you think that you could have changed things if you did know?"

"I… I don't know… Maybe… Maybe I could've…"

"You could've what? Told him not to fall in love with you? You can't tell someone who's in love not to be in love. It doesn't work that way."

"I could have ended that part of our relationship! We could've just…"

"Gone back to being just regular friends? Would that have changed how he felt about you? Or would that just let you tell yourself that you were doing the right thing?"

"I said such horrible things to him! I… I don't know… I guess I was scared… I never thought of myself as gay… Maybe I was just fooling myself." Sam muttered.

"What did you think of yourself as?"  
"I tried not to put a label on it. Putting a name on a relationship cheapens it. It reduces it to a label, and a label doesn't mean anything. The emotions the relationship evokes are what mean something."  
"And what emotions does Luke evoke for you?"

"Happiness…" Sam muttered, sighing wistfully. "I feel safe with him. Nobody knows how to make me smile like Luke. I know he would never hurt me. After our friends suggested that we "just fuck and get it over with", Luke… I could tell he was up for it… But he didn't say anything until he was sure I was also okay with it. He was assertive, but he never would do anything I was uncomfortable with. He was so gentle… And now I've lost him because I couldn't accept how I really felt about him."

"So you do love him?"

"I don't know about love… But I know I'm attracted to him. If anyone deserved to be given a straight answer the other night, it was him… But I pushed him away as roughly as I could… I don't know why! I was scared! I was scared that it was my fault that he fell in love with me and that I wouldn't be able to give him everything he deserved from a partner!

"I was scared that I would disappoint him, that I wouldn't measure up to everything he believed me to be…" Sam said. Rosie nodded.

"You and he have been friends since sixth grade, right?"

"Um… Y-yeah…"

"So if anyone knows you… Knows your good side and your bad side it would be him, right?"

"I-I guess… Why?"

"Well… Maybe you don't need to do anything more to impress him. Maybe you don't need to do anything else to measure up to his expectations…"

"I… But I've already failed. I couldn't even accept Luke's feelings for me… I guess I knew how I felt about him… But I lied to him… I…"

"You ran away from how you felt…"

"And now he won't even talk to me."

"But how can you make it right if you can't talk to him? I understand your dilemma. It's a difficult situation. Why don't you try texting him? You have his phone number, right?"

"Of course… We were best friends for the longest time."

"Of course… You need to get to your next class… Come back in tomorrow and tell me if things have been resolved and if so, how they're going."

"Okay…" Sam muttered. As he walked out, he began typing furiously.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Oh… A message from Sam… I should really delete this…" Luke muttered. He couldn't talk to Sam without worrying about breaking down again. But he could at least read his messages.

 _Luke,_

 _I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now. But I need to apologize for the way I treated you. Nothing makes what I said to you alright, bro… But… I was afraid of what you being in love with me meant for me. I never meant to hurt you, Luke. I would never want to hurt you._

 _I'd like to at least get one more chance to make things right with you. I understand if you can't forgive me, but maybe you could give me that chance to bury the axe as it were?_ Luke sighed, not sure what to do. He couldn't just ignore Sam, though. He dialed Sam's number.

"Hey, Luke… You got my text…" Sam said happily.

"Yeah… I appreciate the sentiment." Luke muttered nervously.

"Cool… Meet me at the café down the road from you. I need to talk to you…"

"What if I don't want to talk to you?" Luke asked, still a little bit angry. Sam sighed.

"I can't say I blame you. It was really shitty what I said to you, and I can't say I wouldn't be angry if someone treated me like that."

"I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at myself for thinking I even had a chance with you. I was kidding myself. I'm not angry at you… But I don't think I'm ready to see you just yet, Sam." Luke said. He was about to hang up when Sam stopped him.

"Please, wait Luke! I really need to talk to you! I need to say something to you… Even if it's the last chance I'll ever get…"

Luke sighed. So overly dramatic…

"Fine… I'll be down there in a few minutes. Make it quick. I'm not really in the mood for this. I'm prolly just gonna beat off and go to bed early." The young rocker grumbled, getting his boots on and trudging out of the house.

"Hey, Luke… Where ya headed out to so late, honey…" Rita asked as Luke stalked out the door. "And in such a bad mood."

"I don't wanna talk about it, Mom…" Luke grumbled, closing the door behind him and hurrying to the café. As he walked in, Sam was already there.

"Alright, what do you want? If it's just to tell me you ain't interested, I already got the message, breh!" Luke snapped. Sam shook his head, taking Luke's hands in his own, sighing as their fingers touched.

"Listen, Bro… I just… I admire that you were so secure in your sexuality… I guess I wasn't secure enough in mine. I told myself that sleeping with you was just a practical arrangement. We knew each other. We both got the chance to relieve ourselves without the issues that come with a relationship. And you were my best friend, so who could understand me better than you, right?

"That's what I told myself. But… I guess somewhere along the way, something either went very wrong or very right… I started having feelings for you, too. I just convinced myself that it was my imagination, that having such intimate moments with you was causing me to see something that wasn't there. I convinced myself that I wasn't gay and that whatever was going on was just in my head.

"Trust me… I don't have a problem with gay people. I just… Told myself that I wasn't gay and that if I was attracted to men, I wouldn't label it as gay. Labels just cheapen things, right?"

"Cute… But you're not doing a great job convincing me I should stay and listen to you." Luke muttered.

"Sorry… I just… I… Rosie has really been helping me work out my feelings for you, Luke… I'm sorry I hurt you like I did… But maybe you could see it in your heart to give me another chance?"

Luke looked critically at Sam, looking away for a moment. Sam sighed.

"I totally get it. I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself either if I were you."

"I told you. I'm not fucking angry!" Luke said, sounding very angry indeed. "I'm hurt… I'm hurt that you thought you had to hide who you were… Not from me. That doesn't matter. Stinkin hides his feelings from me all the time… That's just practical.

"But from yourself! That's the most un-Rock and Roll thing I've ever heard! The Rock legends we practically worship would've punched you in the face for hiding from yourself like that! And you woulda deserved it, brah! This is totally bogus! But… I understand why you did it. I'm not angry at you… I just don't want our relationship to have to be a secret. So before we take this any further, you have to promise me that you're not going to be ashamed of our relationship." Luke said. Sam nodded.

"I promise." He said, leaning in and kissing Luke tenderly on the lips. Luke returned the kiss, closing his eyes, leaning into his boyfriend's embrace.

"Do you remember our first time together?" Luke asked. Sam laughed, nodding.

"Ahaha… Yeah…" He sighed. "We were both a little drunk, weren't we? Maybe that'll teach us not to drink while underage…" He said. They looked at each other, laughing again.

"Nahhhh… We didn't learn shit, bro!" Luke replied. It was nice feeling so comfortable with Sam again. It was like all of the awkwardness had disappeared as soon as they had spoken again.

"Well…" Sam said, walking out of the restaurant hand in hand with Luke.

"We were drunk… I guess we were getting a little friendlier than usual… You grabbed my crotch… And our friends suggested we just 'fuck and get it over with.' I feel like maybe we were a little too open to suggestion that night. Maybe if we hadn't been drunk, we could've just kept our relationship going at our own pace and I wouldn't have hurt you like I did." Sam said guiltily.

"Don't worry about it. Things happen sometimes. I'm over it."

"Why aren't you angry at me?" Sam demanded.

"Would being angry at you change what happened? Would it make our relationship better? I was angry. But I talked to Rosie… She's really been a miracle worker." Luke sighed. Sam gasped.

"You too? What did she tell you?"

"She said I needed to decide what I really wanted and come back to see her again tomorrow. What about you?"

"She said I needed to try to talk to you. Even if you wouldn't listen, she said it was important that I try to work things out. She suggested texting you. That way, I could send an entire message and you couldn't just tune me out. She wants to see me again tomorrow as well."

"Maybe we could go in together?" Luke asked. Sam smiled.

"I'd like that." Sam said, kissing Luke again, walking out of the café with him.

"Oh… Luke… Sam… You're here together today?" Rosie asked. They nodded, taking each other's hands.

"I see the two of you managed to work things out. I'm happy for you. Why don't you come in and we can catch up quickly?" She asked. The two stood and walked into her cubicle, sitting down next to each other.

"Please at least keep the public affection to hand holding in my office." Rosie said politely when it seemed like they were going to start kissing. It didn't really matter to her. It was just that she knew they would never get around to talking if she let them get distracted by each other.

"Sure… You knew all along this would be the end result, didn't you?" Sam asked, smirking at her.

"I had a feeling. I knew you both liked each other, but were confused about your feelings. The way each of you spoke about the other… It was obvious to me. Sometimes you just have to be able to take a step back to see things clearly." She said.

"So, are you like the school matchmaker?" Luke asked with a laugh.

"Hardly. I occasionally help students sort through their feelings for others. It falls under my job description to help people feel better. My job doesn't specify that I'm a matchmaker, although I've helped more than one student find the courage to make their own matches… That's what happened with you two. I haven't gotten a full picture of how this all started, though. Why don't you go back to the beginning?" Rosie asked, curious now as to how this whole thing turned into such a fiasco and then into a relationship.

"Well… Do you mean when we first started sleeping together… Or do you mean middle school when we first met?" Luke asked.

"When you started sleeping together. Please avoid the grittier details if you would."

"Okay… Well… We were at a Mick Swagger concert… God, he's handsome…" Luke sighed.

"I know, right? He's got such amazing hair!"

"I can't stop staring at his lips…" Luke said.

"Alright, alright! Focus." Rosie said, tapping her watch.

"Uhh… Right, well… We were at a Mick Swagger concert. The two of us had a few more beers than we should have and maybe a little something stronger. Needless to say, we weren't exactly drunk. But our judgment wasn't the best." Sam said.

"Right… Well… I don't know how good our judgment would have been anyway, hopped up on adrenaline like that." Luke laughed.

"That's true. Anyway, we were getting a little friendlier with each other than we usually were. We've always been pretty… Well, friendly with each other. We never minded being close and touching each other. And our friends joked that we should just fuck and get it over with. Again, maybe it wasn't the best idea to go that route when we were well on our way to being blitzed on alcohol. But my clothes were feeling way more restrictive than they usually did, and well… We decided to take our friends up on their dare… I don't really remember everything that happened that night. It was kind of a blur." Luke said.

"Well… When we woke up in the morning, we were pretty hung over, but we sort of remembered how it felt to be so passionate with each other and decided we didn't want to stop. We assured ourselves and each other that it was nothing serious. We were allowed to date other men… Or women if we preferred and that we weren't in love with each other. But I guess it ended up going a little further than either of us intended it to." Sam added.

"I was already in love with Sam from the beginning. I just didn't want to say anything. At the time, I was more than willing to leave well enough alone. I figured this was as close to a relationship as I would ever have with him. Maybe he was just experimenting, but he was mine at least for those few hours… What was torture was the hours after our meetings when I couldn't stop thinking about him and when I kept telling myself how pointless it was to have these feelings since he would never return them."

"I'm not sure when I fell for Luke… Maybe I always had some feelings for him. I've never met anyone as passionate or as cool as him. My relationships with girls never went anywhere. They always broke up with me because I wasn't able to be romantic enough or they felt like I wasn't invested or whatever. I understand their feelings. But I kept trying because it was easier than admitting that I was gay." Sam said, blushing slightly.

"I knew I was into Sam way before we started getting Biblical together. I guess it was like 8th grade… He was so handsome and so cool… He played his guitar with so much passion… How could I not fall in love with him?" Luke asked.

"Really? You've been into me that long?"

"Yeah… I dated this girl named Ashley in middle school. I liked her just fine. But I was only in 7th grade. It only lasted a few months. I met you in 8th grade and it was like nothing I ever felt before." Luke sighed. Sam smiled, hugging Luke.

"Alright… Well, I think you've really come a long way in just a few days. You two feel better?" Rosie asked. The two nodded.

"Good. Well… Let's finish up for the day. You two have to get to class." Rosie said. Luke and Sam nodded. They definitely weren't planning on going to class. They could hang out in the empty classroom and make out or just talk. Wherever it went, it would be way more interesting than history or math. And Luke wouldn't get as bruised as if he played dodgeball in gym.


End file.
